Peace came before I need it

I can explain how most of the events of last week were interconnected and how, to me, they explain how deep God’s love for us is.

One Sunday, the person that was supposed to preach at church was sick, so he did not make it to church. But we found a sermon of our future pastor online, so we showed it. Pastor Dan’s sermon was focused on John 14. “Where does peace comes from?”  There were three verses on that sermon that went straight to my heart:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? …” (John 14:1-2)

 ^“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”

(Isaiah 26:3)

And then, out of the blue, on Monday a friend texted me John 14:27, a friend that is not even in the country! How cool is that. And to finish talkig about good coincidences (God´s perfect voice to me), this morning on my stillness time at the office I read:

“Therefore don’t be worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34)

I closed my devotional book at the office and I remember thinking: Lord, few weeks ago my heart was trouble thinking on what to do or not about a specific relation. But now I think my heart and soul are feeling better, at least they are healing. Why do you keep bringing this “peace” idea right now? Are you preparing me for something or what’s going on here?

Little I knew my answer would come in less than 6 hours. At 1:30 pm my 12 year old cousin left this life to go (as I believe there is an afterlife) to God. For the last 10 years he was fighting a 1 in billon disease. When he was around 3 the doctors said there wasn’t a cure. They also said we wouldn’t have much time to spend with him, because this sickness won’t let him get closer to 7 years old. Yet, he lived till he was 12. And we loved ever extra year, every extra day.

my 12 year old cousin! Cutie pie  

There is so much I could tell you about this sweet little boy. But I´ll probably cry way too much just trying to write it down. So please join me in the only thing I can do right now, let’s say a prayer today:

“Dear God, death sucks!

We don’t get answers, We don’t have control, We can’t change it or stop it and we are left with a big empty space in our soul. But I believe in eternity and I believe in You. Please help us find you in the middle of all this. As I am sure my little cousin has found you today.

I know you cry with us today as I know you rejoice with him today; he is free from sickness, pain and death. Thanks for talking to me about peace before I need it. Help us find it, help us find you. Help us find in you what we have lost … I know you are God and you are enough, even when you are not… Please give my uncle and my aunt your strength for today and for every day.

Amen”

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. “

Eyeliner, prostitution, and prejudice

Hey everyone! My third month with IJM is now finished and what follows are some insights into my life as a Fellow with IJM Bolivia. Sometimes I wonder where time goes.

Today I would like to share about a life-changing experience I had while attending a meeting of our networks. I know meetings can be boring sometimes, but I don’t think I will forget this one. Neither will you, I hope.

I was going to be late. Running made more sense apparently than holding on to the crazy idea that the labor strike going on at that moment would be over soon and my trufi (a shared taxi) would move. So, in my fancy black suit and my (thank God) FLAT shoes I ran a couple of blocks and made it just in time.

Exhausted, thirsty, and with a heartbeat that I thought everyone in the room could hear, (yes, I am soooooo out of shape) I chose one of the empty chairs that was facing the window and sat down to catch my breath. An amazing view, I must say – the San Francisco Church and beloved mountains.

The meeting started only an hour and a half after I got there. (Bolivian time is great!) Even in business meetings, those who arrive “on time” have plenty of time to chat. It was the first time I have ever seen this woman with whom I was chatting, and the first thing I thought was, “Gosh! I need to ask that lady how she managed to make her beautiful blue eyeliner stay on her eyes and not melt.”

This meeting aimed to create a space for organizations to talk about commercial sexual violence in El Alto.  Nevertheless, we talked about life and about the things we enjoy. They, of course, were chocolate addicts like me, so I guess we did have that in common. Then, we talked about how horrible the world is sometimes and how much work needs to be done. We exchanged business cards.

Finally, the meeting (and introductions) started. The woman with blue eyeliner started talking. “Good morning. My name is ____ and I am a sexual worker.” My heart stopped, and my inner voice started talking: Did she really just say that? Does she know that we are here to talk about ways to stop commercial sexual violence? I mean, her work has two of those three words!… I want my business card back!… I mean, it’s not that I’m judging her or something, it’s just because… I should get rid of my blue eyeliner right?…

I know. I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!

Memories of my mission training in 2002 came at high speed to my mind. There I was, singing in the worship service in one of those remote villages where the Christian Training Center enjoyed taking to all of us, Christ-wannabes. We prepared a small evangelistic drama, and some of the members of our team dressed as vagrants, drunks and prostitutes and walked into the church. People’s reactions were fun to witness. Some people would ignore them; a couple of them took huge steps to the side or even got out from their seats to find new “safe” places to worship. I even remember one person that complained to an usher and then walked out of the church. I remember thinking: That’s not how a Christian should act, right? Can we ignore/reject them just because they don’t look like or live up to our church standards? I hope my heart will never turn as dry and cold as that.

11 years later. I was one of them!

I was distracted by the fact that I wanted my business card back, trying not to make any weird gestures so no one can realize the horrible person I can be sometimes (and if you know me, you know that withholding gestures is DIFFICULT FOR ME!), and generally not paying attention to whatever it is they were talking about. And then it hit me!

“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139: 23-24

“Make me more like you. I want to be like Jesus. I want to walk like you” has been a part of my prayer for the last couple of months. And there I found myself, in a similar situation as Jesus was in the gospels, sharing my table with a sex worker. Instead of loving and sharing the good news, I was lost in my own thoughts, prejudices and legalistic feelings – my own sin.

I am trying to live like a “good” and sincere Christian, helping an organization to fight against injustice and oppression, and as I learn that there is so much more work to be done to bring justice in this world, I am also learning that there is so much more work that needs to be done in my own heart.

To be honest, I was hesitant about telling this story. I mean, I don’t like putting my bad thoughts and prejudices on virtual ink. But I guess this is part of being honest and real and not showing only the nice part of this process, right?

This experience helped me realize that sometimes it is much easier to pretend to be a good Christian than to actually be like Christ. Someone mentioned that the reason these women were interested in working with us to reduce underage girls in sexual commerce is because it would reduce their competition. I am not entirely sure that I agree with that. I do not agree with sexual commerce at all. I believe it is wrong. But then, I wonder, how many of the older sexual workers started in this “business” as victims of trafficking for sexual commerce? Maybe they want to prevent other girls from suffering the same. Or, maybe that someone was right; it is all about removing competition. But who am I to judge?

Is it good to try to help even if you are actually looking to get something out of it? Should we, as individuals or institutions, only work from purely altruistic motives? Can we say “no” to someone that wants to help, even if we don’t agree with the life they live or the motives we think they have? I have a bunch of questions and few answers on this matter. Have you ever felt or reacted in this way? How have you overcome situations like this one? I would love to know and learn from you! So, comment here or e-mail me your thoughts.

Please pray for me, that God will clean my heart. That my prayer to live like Christ will continue and that His transforming work in my heart would never stop, even when it hurts. That my heart won’t ever turn cold or dry. That I can learn to live and love with compassion and not with legalism. That I can serve without judging.

On a happier note, as I wrote this post, we received great news in one of our cases. The perpetrator that sexually assaulted a 13 year old student was convicted and sentenced.  Our team is celebrating that justice was obtained for this girl and her family after a long process, since it all happened in 2010. SO, GIVE THANKS AND REJOICE WITH US!

Love to you all and talk to you in my next post!

* Don’t forget: If you are able to support me financially, you can donate online using the link below. I am really thankful for any amount you could contribute; it may make a difference for me to keep serving on this project.

http://www.ijm.org/get-involved/internships-fellowships/support-internship-or-fellowship

Please make sure you select my name ANDREA RODRIGUEZ on the Intern/Fellow section or the donation won’t go toward my fundraising goal. If you are in the USA all donations are tax deductible, and please let me know if you are able to donate, so I can keep track of all donations. 

Reality check: despair and prayers (Part II)

Last week I finished my second month here! Isn’t it crazy!!?? But let me tell you, I am so thankful to be here.

So let’s keep talking about my life as a Fellow with International Justice Mission in Bolivia. As I said in my last post Reality Check: despair and prayers (Part I), I was frustrated because I was able to see how Justice can, sometimes, be delayed.

Adding to that day’s frustration, I helped to translate some statistics for our Church Mobilization team; the text went like this: “12 children are raped every day in Bolivia.[1] Only 0.5 percent of the cases in Bolivia get a sentence.[2] 34% of the girls in Bolivia are victims of sexual assault before they turn 18.[3]”

I have heard the other interns say, “In my country things would be (are) different,” and I am sure that it’s true. I do not take that comment as offensive, because that is actually a true statement; I just hate the fact that I cannot say the same, because this is my country, and it has always been this way. So what did I do? What anyone would do: I over think. I get frustrated. And I cry because the problem seems soooooooooooo big and it looks like I will never be able to make a real change in the system. After that, I give in to despair. Have you ever been in that position?

And one day, in the middle of my frustration, I read this quote: “Pray to the God of justice so He can fix your eyes on the hope of His glory and not allow you to move toward the despair of your own abilities”.

That was a holy slap right in my face! Right? ; )

What do I do now? I try to give the best that I can give in everything I do, big tasks and small tasks, and I PRAY! To the God that in one day rescued 149 people in Chennai, India, while I was learning and preparing to face these challenges. I pray and ask for His power to break into the darkness of despair in my life. I pray to the only one that is able to move the big mountains of oppression and bring real freedom, to our bodies and our souls.

I pray to the one that is able. Would you pray with me? Would you pray for me?

A picture I took from my beautiful city! A rainbow that reminds me of God’s faithfulness. – La Paz, Bolivia.

I hope today I was able to let you know, and maybe feel, like I do sometimes in this process of learning to do good and seek justice. The feelings of despair can be overwhelming some times, but the hope that comes from God and his eternal plan is bigger. I struggle with frustration and I still cry with every story. Yet my heart rejoices with every successful action the IJM teams can get all over the world, and a greater joy comes when I can see change in my own country, in my own community. I am learning to think, thank and rejoice every day.

To end today´s post I would like to say thank you for your prayers, words of encouragement and financial support.

Also, please keep praying for

IJM Bolivia staff: As I mentioned in my last post and here, when justice is delayed this job can be a bit frustrating. Pray for God´s strength to overcome our own feelings of despair when things like this happen, and for us to be always joyful to serve others.

For me: Keep praying for me to grow in my relationship with God and with others. Also pray for my heart to be guarded at the same time as it is molded through getting to know the broken side of our human race. Pray so I can keep my eyes fixed on God and not in the despair of my own abilities.

For my financial support: Please keep praying for the financial support that I need to cover my living expenses while serving with IJM Bolivia. Right now I have been able to raise only 31% of it, meaning I only have (barely) almost one more month from today covered. (Big thanks to the ones that donated last month and made this go up from 25% to 31%  :) )

For my country: For all those children that are suffering under sexual violence, for justice to be delivered to them.

* Don’t forget: If you are able to support me financially you can donate online using the link below. I am really thankful for any amount you could contribute; it may make a difference for me to keep serving on this project.

http://www.ijm.org/get-involved/internships-fellowships/support-internship-or-fellowship

Please make sure you select my name ANDREA RODRIGUEZ on the Intern/Fellow section or the donation won’t go toward my fundraising goal. If you are in the USA all donations are tax deductible, and please let me know if you are able to donate, so I can keep track of all donations.) 

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[1] Ni una más! El derecho a vivir una vida libre de violencia en América Latina y el Caribe, Comisión Económica para América Latina y el Caribe, p. 43, Figura 10 (Marzo 2009),  http://www.eclac.org/publicaciones/xml/7/31407/Niunamas.pdf, 2009.

[2] Miguel Rivas, La Razón, El 85% de víctimas de delitos no los denuncia ante la Policía (13 de febrero de 2012) (http://www.la-razon.com/ciudades/victimas-delitos-denuncia-Policia_0_1559244082.html).

[3] Brisa De Angulo, La agresión sexual a la niñez y la conspiración del silencio (2009).

Reality check: despair and prayers (Part 1)

Hey there friends and family, you guys make my life so much more interesting and full of joy THANK  YOU!

I would like to talk about two things. The first one will still be focused on my time in D.C. and something way too awesome that happened while I was there (I said I had a lot of stories right?). And the second one will be focused on my daily work here in Bolivia.

So let’s start.

This particular story is now part of me; I treasure it in my heart and it brings me encouragement when I feel overwhelmed by reality. Moreover, it keeps me on my knees reminding me that ensuring justice is a call that requires more than my abilities.

Every day, IJM offices around the world have something called corporate prayer time. What does it look like? Every single employee, volunteer and even sometimes a visitor, gather in one room and pray. At headquarters they do it at 11:00 a.m. [Here in Bolivia we do it at 12:00 p.m.] So, people from the different departments share praise reports and concerns from IJM offices all around the globe and then, well … they pray.

While we were in orientation week in D.C, one woman stood up and shared that an undercover operation was being held at that very moment in a place I had never heard of.  It was somewhere in India! (Yes, I am a horrible person when it comes to geography.) Anyway, she said that they were sure they were going to rescue 16 people — ONLY 16 — so we prayed to God, asking for His favor and for His protection for the team. GUESS WHAT???? The next day, the same woman shared her praise; more than 149 people were rescued in that undercover operation, including a 3 year old girl! I was speechless, but they WERE FREE!!!! (you can read the story here).

Prayer time at the IJM Bolivia office

Prayer is the first and most important step to all the work we do here. While working with IJM Bolivia now, I have come to appreciate the time of corporate prayer.  Every Monday, we pray for all the things we have to do that week, and every Friday we give thanks for the answered prayers and ask for strength and patience for the ones that weren’t answered. It is so good to know that we are not alone in this work of prayer.  Sometime our communication department shares with us e-mails from our prayer partners, and these sweet words of love and encouragement can lift up our spirits and give us power to keep going. (If you are interested in getting specific prayer requests from Bolivia you can e-mail me at arodriguez@ijm.org and I can make sure our team adds you to the list).

This wall is at our office, it says: “Because God hears us…and answers!”. You can see all the prayers that have been answered and most of the cases that we are praying for right now.

Changing the topic now, but keep in mind those 149 slaves-no-more in your mind. I would like to tell you about my daily work here. It has been a great time, professionally and personally challenging, and I am learning a lot. And I think I am being helpful too (I hope so! ).

As a Community Fellow, I get to attend a bunch of meetings with local authorities, possible strategic partners, and networks that IJM Bolivia is a part of. There is one network I have been working a lot with this month, Network against child sexual assault in La Paz. It is basically non profits and governmental organizations that have decided to work together for the vision of “a society free of sexual assault for girls, boys, and adolescents”. I have helped them with the compilation and development of their internal guidelines, and now we are working on getting the specific activities for the year organized.

I do not have much contact with the actual victims right now. But every day while I am at the office I get to see kids and their legal guardians, talking with our legal or aftercare team. It breaks my heart EVERY SINGLE TIME. I can’t help it. I know that most of them have been victims of sexual assault, and I know some of the cutest babies I get to see here, with big, bright and brown eyes and the sweetest smiles ever, were born as a result of these assaults. I haven´t had the opportunity to go to many hearings or trials. One day I tried, and there were five different court activities that I was going to be able to attend. Four were cancelled and just one actually happen. Sadly, I wasn’t able to participate in that one because there were too many people there. I was kind of frustrated…

To be honest, I was way too frustrated. But it gave me time to talk with the lawyers from our office. They have to face this every day! (I so admire them). They were telling me that in all the cases they have work with, 65% of the time the hearings are suspended because someone doesn’t show up (the judges, the public prosecutor, or the defendant.) IJM lawyers are always there. Sometimes they use the office car to go and pick up as many people as needed to make sure that everyone will show up, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn´t.  The result? Justice is delayed.

(Part II coming next week, there is more in this story )

* Don’t forget: If you are able to support me financially you can donate online using the link below. I am really thankful for any amount you could contribute; it may make a difference for me to keep serving on this project.

https://secure3.convio.net/ijm/site/Donation2?idb=1515869785&df_id=1261&1261.donation=form1

(Please make sure you select my name ANDREA RODRIGUEZ on the Intern/Fellow section or the donation won’t go toward my fundraising goal. If you are in the USA all donations are tax deductible, and please let me know if you are able to donate, so I can keep track of all donations.)