I would lie if I said that I have been ok. It is not easy to forget someone you love; it is not easy to remember someone you have lost. Death is not easy at all. But let’s try to go back on this blogging adventure, now that I have a computer for a while and my brain seems to work in English right now.
Last night I was listening to pastor Bill Clem, a sermon about community. This is something you really do not want to hear about when you have been skipping church for the past few months (for many reasons and way too many excuses) questioning everything and feeling a really bad Christian, but I guess I had to listen that.
He starts saying “Every one of us has something inside that pulls us away from belonging… that keeps us from really engaging community”- and a voice in my head said YES WE DO! – What?? Hold on a sec. We do?? Everyone?? Is not just me?? This is a great think to know, I am not the only alien in the world that thinks I DONT BELONG.
After four months and more, since my grandma went back to the Lord, I have been walking around feeling that everyone is changing but me. Feeling like everyone has found his way in this world but me; feeling that I walk around saints been such a sinner.
Do not get me wrong I love what I do and I try to be good, but somehow I have not been able to find balance and complete joy these days. Why?? I think it is because I have been fighting so much trying to be good: the good Christian, the good professional, the good friend, the good everything you can think off, but everything I do is wrong. I work too much, I eat too much, I don’t exercise enough and yes, I sin too much. No balance between good and bad, just feeling dirty all the time.
But God in his mercy has teaches me a great lesson this weekend. It takes us back to Bill Clem´s sermon and a beautiful moment on the bible John 13.
Jesus is with his disciples having a special diner and out of the blue He, the teacher, the Lord, decide to wash their feet and the amazing Simon Peter says to him “Lord, are you going to wash my feet? Jesus answers “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand”.
Ofcurse Peter knows better, he is so clever and he is always telling Jesus what to doand he answers “No, you shall never wash my feet”.
How many times have I given the same answer to God, somehow I think I know better. But Jesus knows better, He said “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me”. Then everything was clear. I NEED TO BE WASH BY GOD as Simon Peter and the other disciples did. Simon Peter realize this too and he immediately replay “Then Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well” – can you see he is doing it again? Telling Jesus what to do again – Jesus said to him “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. AND YOU ARE CLEAN…”
(I know right know you are thinking, ok Andrea this is great but way to long, what is the point? I promise I have one, please keep reading, I am almost done)
Here is the great part that applies completely to my life and for sure to yours too. Jesus was teaching Simon Peter through a metaphor. The moment we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and his sacrify in the cross for us we are clean. Clean by his blood! Now WE ONLY NEED TO WASH OUR FEETS. Why?? For our daily walk.
We walk in the world in a sinful nature, sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, witchcraft, jealousy, selfishness, ambition, disobedience , injustice, etc. “When you are walking on life in a dirty road, but you are clean, on the dirty road you pick up dirt on your feet” Do you get this as I did? This is way we need to go back to Jesus every day, to get our feet clean. We do not need a whole bath, we are clean by Jesus grace, but as we walk on a daily walk with him in our daily battles we continue to offend and sin.
We don’t have to start all over, but we have to accept Jesus invitation to Simon Peter. We need to walk to Jesus and let him wash our feet. He is the only one how can help us find not only balance in life, but a real life.
So my prayer for today is: Please make me white as snow. Enjoy the song that leads me to worship Jesus today and go back to him, to wash my feet and star walking this path clean again.