(I know I haven’t post anything in a while so, if you are still reading me here is a BIG THANKS to you! )
These past few months have been so crazy for me, taking difficult decisions (like quitting my job), facing new personal challenges (like starting my thesis all over again for the 5th time!) and struggling with my favorite topics: Justice, Trust and Faith. Sounds like I am having a lot of fun right?
But truly, small things like been able to enjoy the best cup of coffee on a Wednesday morning in “working hours” at my favorite coffee place, plus getting time to just sit down, relax, read my bible, a good book (“Teach me how to live” by Emmanuel Espinoza is this month´s book) and over think is priceless!.
Reading the first chapter I came to realize (meaning the Holy Spirit was working again) that I still have so much to change in my life, but this time He laid his hand in an open wound. By reading the definition Emmanuel puts in his book about Laziness: “stop trying or stop learning something just to avoid been exposed to everyone else opinion”. Of course this is not the conventional definition but for some reason I understood that is exactly what I have been doing these last few months and one of the results was stop writing.
Blogging about my journey on this in between is all about opening my heart and that is exactly what is “being exposed”. I am afraid to make grammar mistakes, I am afraid of saying something wrong, I am afraid of letting people in. I am afraid of facing trouble and not having the right answer. I am afraid of the unknown and I am afraid of getting my heart broken again. I am afraid of what people would say about the decisions I have made and I am afraid of doors (open or close). I am afraid of not knowing how to be God´s loving hands in this world because I am to focus on my own ideas and not in God´s perfect love. I am afraid of falling and not been able to stand up again. I am afraid of so many things!!!… Are you afraid too???
Being afraid is not wrong but letting fear take over life is not good at all! Fear has put me on my knees again. No, I am not hiding, I am going to the only source that can and has defeated fear!
“In my weakness He is strong”.
God´s mercy came to the rescue me (and you) and we need to remember that it´s not about fear, it´s not about right or wrong. I need to know that is not about me! It´s about HIS mighty power and HIS lifesaving sacrifice in the cross!
“It is not by science, nor by power but through his spirit”
So yes, I am admitting I am afraid, I am admitting that I can´t do anything by myself, but I am also admitting that I trust and believe that is IN HIM and ONLY BY HIM that I can be free to choose to wake up every day and instead of seen myself through fear, I can see myself victorious through the cross. (and so can you!).
To finish today I would like to share something I wrote some years ago, well part of it:
“My reflection through your cross”.
What do I see when I look at me?
A lonely heart, a broken life.
A clown, a coward.
Nothing worthy to die for.
Sometimes a random act of kindness;
Or maybe just another liar in this life.
What does HE sees when He looks at me?
He sees the cross, he sees Jesus in me!
A forgiven sinner, a restored heart,
A light up candle in to the night
letting HIS true and mercy shine.
Through the cross I am worthy,
Through the cross I am free.
Through the cross … Jesus changes me!
In an effort to become more honest and authentic in this blogging idea, I’ve joined Joy (an amazing blogger I got the opportunity to know some months ago), in sharing about life: unmasked in my IN BETWEEN. How? sharing some of my struggles, faith questions, and failures.