My first bible had two with pages between the Old Testament and the new one. I wondered why? I don´t remember who or when, but I got a pretty interesting answer once “it represents the years of silence between God and the people of Israel, till Jesus came”.
I am not sure if that is true or not. But in this couple of weeks I have been thinking about it. It´s kind of how I feel. These months I have been praying for so many things and some days I feel like I get answers but other days (like yesterday and today) I feel overwhelmed by silence.
Do you ever feel that way?
I haven´t gotten my answers, yet something came to my mind while I was trying to wake up today. It was way too early for me to be up this morning, but my thoughts wouldn´t let me sleep longer. It was cold and I turned side to side on my bed trying to wake up, it was still dark and there was a breathtaking silence in my room and outside (and let me tell you I have pretty noisy neighbors). The first though in my mind was “FIVE MORE MINUTES!” (obviously), but I failed at trying to sleep again.
My second thought was “Ok God, I guess you woke me up, because there is no way I can wake up that early and so easily. That is simply impossible for me.” Then my brain started arguing with God, it just didn´t make sense to me that God would want to talk right then. I felt like a 4 year old saying “So now you want to talk? Well, it is not when you want” but let’s be honest, IT IS when he wants and not when I want, right?
As I said before, I still don´t have answers (and believe me I have tons of questions), but God brought to my mind a nice memory. It was Sunday, I had to go to church but I really didn´t want to. So I decided to visit a different church (funny as it sounds it is now the church I attend regularly). To be honest, I don´t remember the preaching, but instead God talking to me through a small thing the children’s church did.
There they were, sitting on the stairs that lead to the pulpit. All the kids gather around Lyndsey Deane, the most amazing Sunday morning teacher you could have 😉 (We miss you down here!). Her curly short hair was so perfect. Anyways, she started talking but she didn´t have a microphone. You could see her lips were moving but there was no way of listening because the kids were making so much noise. Suddenly, one of them realized that Lindsay had started to ask them to lower the volume of their voices. I can talk loud – she said – and while the kids started lowering their voices she started to whisper.
She started to talk with the kids about how sometimes we need to do the same with God. And then it hit me! Sometimes we ask, ask and ask. Sometimes we increase the noise and we are not able to recognize God´s voice, God´s whispers.
This morning’s breath taking silence made me feel like I was the main character on this portion of the bible (1 Kings 19: 11 -13)
“ The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper (and the Lord was there)”
I wonder how Elijah felt. Was he disappointed because God came in the most simple way he could? How long was Elijah waiting for God to show up? Was he overwhelmed by the silence that came just before God talked to him?
“ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
So I guess I feel like Elijah right now, and I know I am still overwhelmed by the silence that comes before God´s voice but I am sure that his presence is right here with me, and if 2 pages of silence are needed I won´t let go of his hand. Why? Because after the silence his voice comes.