Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love will find life, righteousness, and honor.
– Proverbs 21:21 (NLT
I do not know if people around me can tell, because I think I am pretty good at hiding emotions, or at least I do not show all that is actually is inside of me, but these few weeks I have been feeling like I am on an emotional rollercoaster, and if you know me you know how much I hate rollercoasters.
Sometimes I get frustrated with the dumbest things you could ever imagine -like me asking one of my coworkers how to make a word a verb that already was a verb and then feeling like an idiot for 30 minutes because I should have known that was a verb!. Other days I get excited over the most simple things- like eating dark chocolate with coffee beans from home or a random message on a chocolate wrapper (yes, as long as chocolate is involved I will be exited). Or, I get sad because of something I have not had in a long time and I wish I had right now – for example I cannot remember the last time I got a gerbera daisy flower on my desk (I can´t think of a less cheesy example right now, and Yes Chelsea I am missing flowers, estrange right?). And, to be honest, most of the time all these mood changes happen within 5 minutes of each other.
Being far away from home makes me better appreciate what I have, makes me love more where I am from (except when I read the local news from home), and makes me enjoy beauty in a way that I could never have experienced if I would have stayed at home. At the same time, it makes me see the deepest and darkest parts of myself, those that are easier to ignore when I am surrounded by everything that defines me- or at least what I thought defined me; and let’s not forget that my friend fear comes along with all of this.
Most of the time I am afraid to see the darkest parts of myself, I am scared I will have (meaning I already am) to face old wounds in the deepest part of my heart and soul, and am terrified every time I am confronted with my own fears related to something I thought God had already dealt with in/with me.
Nevertheless, being on this emotional rollercoaster is a constant reminder that listening to God´s calling and choosing to follow it is an all-inclusive deal, you learn to love and to let go, you get to miss the old and learn to love and embrace the new, you feel fear and you experience healing, you get on your knees so you can keep walking, and you learn to live one day at a time and to enjoy what comes with that day.
Let me share two things I have enjoyed these weeks:
a) A song
b) A passage of the bible -it is a good passage to reflect on:
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yetno one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
* Praise God for an amazing story of restoration in Bolivia
* For God answering my prayer and giving me great groups of friends here.
* For my family here as they are THE BEST!
* One of the interns is done with her time at the office and almost done with her time in Guatemala, and I am going to miss her sooooooo much! Pray for Bennett and for whatever God has in store for her in this new time.
*This Saturday, there will be a ceremony for the new Attorney General, ask God to give her grace and wisdom.
Love to you all,