My so hated alarm started to go off and as usual I struggled to wake up. This morning I found myself staring at the pictures on my wall, thinking I should probably write an update for my blog, and suddenly it was difficult to swallow and I could feel the salty water gathering inside my eyes. It hit me: I am leaving Guatemala in 10 days and I will be home in 15 days!
I did what I do best; I tried to avoid my feelings. I turned to Facebook and scrolled over statues and pictures trying to distracted myself and, if I am been honest, I got off Facebook feeling guilty. Almost everyone was celebrating Easter. The resurrection! Probably the most important moment for Christianity and here I am, lying in my bed overwhelmed by the fact that in 10 days I need to catch a plane?
How do I feel? I can´t quite figure it out yet
I am sad. I am sad for all the people I am leaving here- people who 395 days ago I had no idea who they were, and now have become best friends, friends and even great roommates!!!).
Also, incredible coworkers who have taught me so much, people for whom their everyday is more than eight hours on a timesheet to get paid, it is a personal commitment to fight for Guatemalan children who have been sexually assaulted. Their personal commitment surpasses my expectations–they won´t stop until criminals are brought to justice and are held accountable for what they have done; at the same time, they have decided to walk alongside the survivors and their families to support their restoration process in their life. They live and express a personal and professional commitment to justice that a paycheck can´t really repay.
On the other hand, I am excited to go home. I am ready to see my family. I have missed them a lot these past 13 months. I am ready for Bolivian food, for my beautiful mountains and the cold weather that allows me to wear scarves. I am all set to go back to some old activities and for coffee with good friends.
I am scared for the re-entry process. I have never been away from home for this long. I have no idea what to expect. People talk about it and some of them love it and some of them hate it. What will this look like for me? Am I going to love my city as much as I did before I left? Are my friends and family going to think I am crazy every time I talk about all the things that happened in Guatemala or are they going to be able to get it? How about my spiritual life? How about the not so good things about my city? I know I am different now. Guatemala has changed me. Is home going to embrace my change? (Please feel free to leave comments, links to good reading materials & advice on the topic!)
Finally, I am hopeful for the future. For more than 6 years now I have been talking, thinking and praying about going to grad school in the States. Something seemingly super impossible for me. Well, once again the God of impossible had a surprise for me. I have been granted admission to Wheaton College Graduate School in Chicago for a Masters Program!!!! I have also been granted a scholarship and now I just need to fundraise only 30% of my expenses (so, if you know of someone that wants to support a Latina going to school in Chicago please let me know :) ). I will be starting school in 2016!
I guess that is all for now. It has been an interesting Easter day. I went to church, I was blessed with an Easter lunch at a coworker’s house with all the expats and his family, and now I have finished my Easter emotion hunt for my update :)
Happy Easter to y’all! (Sudden roommates influence here!) May God bless you, may you enjoy and rest (as I am learning how to do) in the power of the message of an empty cross and an empty tomb.